The Best and Worst of Times all rolled into one

There was a short period of time in my life that I spent what felt like a long period of time involved in politics.  No, I wasn't an elected official; but, I worked for some.  I liken what I and my close co-workers went through as being told, by the elected officials, to, "Fight this fight for us.  Dig a trench, then hunker down into it, do your best, and, oh yeah, by the way, you won't get any help from us; and hand over your weapons.  Good luck."  It went on for almost three long years.

What we were fighting for was worth it; very worth it.  We believed in our goals and what they would mean for a community's health and well-being.  Our desire to work toward a good and fair outcome together with the opponents was met with opposition from the handful of selfish, scared elders who cared more about their pocketbooks than they did the public. 

Our opponents fought very dirty, creating an atmosphere of hate and distrust using lies and scare tactics.  Their actions were unfathomable and unimaginable to me, and it cost me dearly.  I had to leave my "family" I'd been with for over 20 years with only antidepressants and my honor as a decent human being held intact even amid the horrible actions of our opponents to us.  I eventually received  a legally-vindicated, court-approved judgement that we had been right and "they" had been wrong.


At the end of it, politics won.  We lost.  We lost a "brother" to suicide.  We lost more people who gave up the battle and escaped; and our "family" of co-workers and close friends became scattered, fleeing the stress and duress.  Many of us became weary and eventually found ourselves battling depression from the constant barrage from the opposition.

It was truly the best of times and the worst of times, all rolled into one.  Throughout the turmoil we were still able to grow together and develop a team of creative, strong, caring persons who kept their composure and professionalism the whole time.  We gave workers the option and ability to choose their own paths in their work areas, do and be all they could, create their own processes, take ownership of their accomplishments and reap their rewards.  We organized great get-togethers and really became a very close "family", respecting each other for our talents and contributions, and honoring those who were inventive (and there were many!) and worked so hard for the good of the community we all served. 

I learned a lot during that time about myself and other people.  I spent some of the time, unfortunately, in a near-comatose state of mental disrepair and despair.  I lost over 30 pounds and was threatened with hospitalization.  During the half-year of medical leave, I tried to capture what we'd went through, to lay it out on paper, and filled a notebook with thoughts.  Soon after our co-worker/friend's suicide, I wrote, "THE AFTERMATH."  That was in 1996.  Sometime in 1997, I lost the paper and only recently, in January 2012, found it again.

The broken are in hiding

in the fetal healing dark.

A self-prophesied rebirth

waits for chaos to depart.

So few know.

Questions of self-validity

surround their deep despair.

The faithful still seek answers

to the unanswerable and unfair.

So few cared.

There are times amidst confusion

when some sanity slips in.

It takes unnerving concentration

to hear silence through the din.

So no one speaks.

Hand holds became so fragile

and the messengers were lost

in the quest for worthy leaders

who would end the holocaust.

And none were there.

A few lost souls still wander;

orphaned children, been abandoned,

seeking comfort from reality

in artifice companions.

Feel all alone.

Humanity is losing

war it wages on itself

when outer chaos climbs inside

and self-order's driven out.

Step by step.

There's no quick cure for others' torture

of your mind and self and soul.

But those who seek the answers

must first seek to come back whole.

Take care of self.

If ever strength were needed

it is this which holds the key:

to stop the endless madness

be as selfish as you need.

Strength is within.

(C) 1996, Donna Thompson

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