Year in Review: 2010

2010 was my first full year of living alone since 1979. That's not written with any negative reflection or inflection. It's just a statement of fact. May 2, 1981, I married the man with whom I thought I'd spend the rest of my life. Don't we always think that when we say our vows? February 23, 2010, was the legal end of that life-plan; a long story best saved for a different time.

After all, a brand-new year is near to beginning; and looking back over 2010, I have a lot of things for which to be thankful. This past year has been a very unique adventure, let me tell you. It was filled with the comfort of family, the support of great friends and meeting a lot of new ones, some sadness of course, as well as some very pleasant and exciting surprises.

The first half of 2010 was spent still spinning from and coping with the results of the changes I'd had to make, acceptance of the confusion of no-reason-given for the end of an almost 30-year marriage, and examination of how to manage myself alone, my finances, and so many other things. It was also a year of ad nauseam self-reflection on the total sum of my life, occurrences, accomplishments, contributions, desires, goals, my attitude, and just ... me.

I have learned a lot from this past year about myself. I've discovered my contributions to where I'm at today, and I can finally accept those. I've learned my strengths, which are many, and learned to truly value and be proud of those strengths. I've made the sad realization of how far from "me" I have been for more years than I care to add up, and understand why it occurred and how much of that was a result of the decisions I'd made and actions I'd chosen. Most importantly, I am relearning what it means to be truly happy, in my own right, and how soul-fully good that feels again.

Things I'm reintroducing to my life include:

• dancing (and I don't need a partner),
  
• socializing and doing it often,
  
• volunteering,
  
• God and how He holds me up,
  
• making contact with missing but not forgotten friends,
  
• JOY,
• new experiences and new friends,
  
• being happy with who I am and where I'm at, and
  
• Just Me.
  

Just Me somehow disappeared somewhere along the path of my marriage, family and life. That realization was the saddest of all to accept during 2010; and in some ways, the hardest to overcome. Part of my year-long journey has been understanding, coping with and accepting my role in creating a life where I allowed most of "me" to disappear and figuring out how to allow that person back.

I am different today, this last day of 2010, than I was before the end of the marriage and the beginning of Just Me. There is just this welcomed freedom to be myself, that spontaneous/funny/tough/open/happy person I see in the mirror again. "Where have YOU been??? I missed you!" :)  This rediscovery-of-self has been personally calming.

I have found my inner-peace again and pretty much love my life right now.
Thank-you Baby Jesus.