The Best and Worst of Times all rolled into one

There was a short period of time in my life that I spent what felt like a long period of time involved in politics.  No, I wasn't an elected official; but, I worked for some.  I liken what I and my close co-workers went through as being told, by the elected officials, to, "Fight this fight for us.  Dig a trench, then hunker down into it, do your best, and, oh yeah, by the way, you won't get any help from us; and hand over your weapons.  Good luck."  It went on for almost three long years.

What we were fighting for was worth it; very worth it.  We believed in our goals and what they would mean for a community's health and well-being.  Our desire to work toward a good and fair outcome together with the opponents was met with opposition from the handful of selfish, scared elders who cared more about their pocketbooks than they did the public. 

Our opponents fought very dirty, creating an atmosphere of hate and distrust using lies and scare tactics.  Their actions were unfathomable and unimaginable to me, and it cost me dearly.  I had to leave my "family" I'd been with for over 20 years with only antidepressants and my honor as a decent human being held intact even amid the horrible actions of our opponents to us.  I eventually received  a legally-vindicated, court-approved judgement that we had been right and "they" had been wrong.


At the end of it, politics won.  We lost.  We lost a "brother" to suicide.  We lost more people who gave up the battle and escaped; and our "family" of co-workers and close friends became scattered, fleeing the stress and duress.  Many of us became weary and eventually found ourselves battling depression from the constant barrage from the opposition.

It was truly the best of times and the worst of times, all rolled into one.  Throughout the turmoil we were still able to grow together and develop a team of creative, strong, caring persons who kept their composure and professionalism the whole time.  We gave workers the option and ability to choose their own paths in their work areas, do and be all they could, create their own processes, take ownership of their accomplishments and reap their rewards.  We organized great get-togethers and really became a very close "family", respecting each other for our talents and contributions, and honoring those who were inventive (and there were many!) and worked so hard for the good of the community we all served. 

I learned a lot during that time about myself and other people.  I spent some of the time, unfortunately, in a near-comatose state of mental disrepair and despair.  I lost over 30 pounds and was threatened with hospitalization.  During the half-year of medical leave, I tried to capture what we'd went through, to lay it out on paper, and filled a notebook with thoughts.  Soon after our co-worker/friend's suicide, I wrote, "THE AFTERMATH."  That was in 1996.  Sometime in 1997, I lost the paper and only recently, in January 2012, found it again.

The broken are in hiding

in the fetal healing dark.

A self-prophesied rebirth

waits for chaos to depart.

So few know.

Questions of self-validity

surround their deep despair.

The faithful still seek answers

to the unanswerable and unfair.

So few cared.

There are times amidst confusion

when some sanity slips in.

It takes unnerving concentration

to hear silence through the din.

So no one speaks.

Hand holds became so fragile

and the messengers were lost

in the quest for worthy leaders

who would end the holocaust.

And none were there.

A few lost souls still wander;

orphaned children, been abandoned,

seeking comfort from reality

in artifice companions.

Feel all alone.

Humanity is losing

war it wages on itself

when outer chaos climbs inside

and self-order's driven out.

Step by step.

There's no quick cure for others' torture

of your mind and self and soul.

But those who seek the answers

must first seek to come back whole.

Take care of self.

If ever strength were needed

it is this which holds the key:

to stop the endless madness

be as selfish as you need.

Strength is within.

(C) 1996, Donna Thompson

#####

Do not copy or distribute without written permission.

ATTITUDE by Charles Swindoll

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes.

Charles Rozell "Chuck" Swindoll (born October 18, 1934) is an evangelical Christian pastor, author, educator and radio preacher. He founded Insight for Living, currently headquartered in Plano, Texas, which airs a radio program of the same name on more than 2,000 stations around the world in 15 languages. He is currently the senior pastor of Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, Texas.

Centering: Taking Care of You

This post continues my philosophical and spiritual journey:  Centering.  You, too, can center your Self.

Finding my center, my self, again has been a year-long achievement.  I am honestly and amazingly happy with who I am today.  I recognize I am truly 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it.  That quote, entitled "Attitude", is not mine by the way.  I have to credit Charles Swindoll; a blessing, whoever he is.  That quote found me during a period in my life that was the worst-of-times and best-of-times all rolled into one (1996); and that philosophy also helped me navigate within his angry silence the last year that my husband and I were together.

It is so true.  It has been my philosophy about what makes up my "self" and my sense of strength through so much.  It has given me many opportunities to successfully swim with my head above water while the chaos of life kept trying to pull me under.  

My state of being and frame of mind are my own.  No one has the responsibility nor the power, unless I give it to them, to affect my emotional self, my center.  I have a responsibility to me to protect that center, to put me first and foremost, or I will do no one else any good in this life.  

Without any intention of doing it, people we care about in our lives and because we care what they think, their actions and words can cause us to create inside ourselves some grievous emotional hurt, send us reeling; often without any intention on their part, and sometimes without any realization we have become affected by what they innocently said or did. Conversely, other people do not make us happy.  


Each of us has control over our emotions.  We perhaps make subconscious decisions what emotions we use, but they are still our decisions.  You just have bring yourself to a point to want to effect change if an emotion is not doing you any good.  I usually ask myself, "How is that working for you?" and if I find it's not working, I need to change.  More importantly, I am now much quicker to realize when change is needed.

No other person "makes" someone happy.  No other person should have to carry that responsibility, most importantly.  It's a total misnomer.  Rather, it's up to each of us to find people and things and activities that allows us to feel that emotion. 

I am centered.  I am fine.  I will always be fine.  I am my own worst enemy, and my own best safety net.  I am only 10% what happens to me and over 90% how I react to it.  That is my center.  God, and staying centered, will always be my strength no matter what happens on my path through life.

45 LESSONS of LIFE (written by a 90-year-old)

This is something we should all read at least once a week.  Written by Regina Brett, 90  years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.  --Just Me
*************
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most  requested column I've ever written.  My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. 

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Five Lessons About the Way We Treat People

Forwards of e-mails take on a life of their own.  Unfortunately I am not sure where this started, or who wrote down each story, or I would surely give them the credit they deserve.   I know I need to be reminded of the following lessons now and then myself, so I will share with you this e-mail I received.

 

FIVE LESSONS ABOUT THE WAY WE TREAT PEOPLE 1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:   "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.  "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people.  All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "Hello." I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.  --------------------------------- 2 - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.  A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.  It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits.  Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others." Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.  --------------------------------- 3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.  "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.  "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.  "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins.  "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.  When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table.  There, placed neatly beside the empty dish were two nickels and five pennies.  You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.  --------------------------------- 4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path  In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway.  Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock.  Some of the King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it.  Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables.  Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road.  After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.  After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.  The peasant learned what many of us never understand:  Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.  --------------------------------- 5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease.  Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.  The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her."  As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.  He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?" Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her. --------------------------------- ”Live with no regrets. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. And dance like you do when nobody’s watching.” ---unknown "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson "Always be a little kinder than necessary." ---J.M. Barrie

Life is a Journey

I think about life as a path, a journey.  Moving forever forward, even if it doesn't always feel like it.  We are each placed on our path without the ability to choose where we start.  We have no choice in that, of course; but we have choices, eventually, how our journey proceeds, what paths we take.

Every human being has their own unique path.  And someday every human being's path ends.  We have no choice in that, either.  It is definitely going to end, this journey.

Most paths never cross.  Some whose paths we cross, we may wish we hadn't.  Some paths connect and run parallel for life.  Some paths run parallel for years and then one ends (death) and the other person''s keeps on its forward-momentum.  Some paths intersect, run parallel, and then veer off in a perpendicular motion and we have to watch them go.  But the path, our path, continues forward.

We find road blocks, pitfalls, sorrow and bliss.  We find useful tools along the path that we pick up and carry for a while and maybe keep, because they do us good.  We find our path leads through light as well as sometimes deep dark; but we go on.

Actions happen on our journey, called "life".  LIFE happens on our path.  We find a roadblock and we work on it; and we either move it out of the way or rebuild it to fit our path, or we find a way over/under/around the roadblock.

And every action that happens has a consequence.  Consequences are what happens after the action; consequences including emotions.  We have an array of emotions available as humans to handle the actions that happen (life) as we move along.  We choose to use our emotions to help us deal with and understand the actions.

Using the emotions we do use is a choice.  We choose to feel anger, or we choose to allow/feel sadness; and we can choose to use something altogether different when the need is right.  But, how we choose to react to action, leave no doubt, is a choice.  

We can choose to scare people away from our path so we feel safer, alone.  We can choose to allow sadness to carry us for a while until we peer out from that choice and realize that the sun is shining today, and a smile feels better than the frown.

We can ignore those whose paths cross ours, intersect with our path, or we can choose to welcome them and see how long our paths run parallel.  But, the important thing is, we choose.

I choose to remember everything that has happened on my path and use the consequential burdens of emotional choices made since, to help me learn how to be stronger so I am better able to more successfully navigate the next roadblock.  My path is at least, if not more than, half over.  I do not want to waste any day on my journey allowing (which is my choice) any one path's departure from mine to weigh me down with the consequential burdens of useless bad self-thoughts and emotions.  I choose instead to believe it was time our paths veered apart or else we would still be parallel together.  

I am first responsible for my own happiness; therefore, I will carry no consequential burdens of negative emotions for very long.  Little snatches of them crop up now and then; but my strength lies from understanding that I can make a decision to keep them with me for a while, or I can run down my path until I find the sunshine and to see whose path crosses mine.

My path and my choices on it determine if I succumb to, or succeed in, life's actions, life's passion, life's gifts.  Me?  I plan to leave consequential burdens lie most of the time and just walk away from them.  I will always look forward to the time when another person's path is ready to intersect and parallel mine for a while so I can learn more from him or her, friend or foe, man, woman or child. 

I do know, life is waiting for me.  I cannot wait to see what comes next.  I hope this message allows you to believe you, too, have that same choice and you can lay down any consequential burdens you may have, and run to see what happens next, what gifts God lays at your feet.  Hopefully each of you accepts your path and feels both challenged and blessed by the opportunity to follow the path and fulfill your life journey.

Peace.

Before and Since

Before

and since

"Before and After" are the usual conjunctives, but this chapter of my journey isn't yet over; so, I'm naming this post "Before and since".  

My physician told me in early 2010 I had to lose 18 pounds in two months (by the end of June) or start taking insulin pills for my pre-diabetic condition. I'd tested with a fasting glucose twice in the past year, and both times I was borderline-diabetic or what is called pre-diabetic.  Long story short, not good.  Not good for me, nor for my major organs, my  eye-sight or blood pressure, and not good for my pocketbook.  Speaking of blood pressure, I had also been on high blood pressure pills for about three years.  

In 1996, a major work-related depression and ptss took me from my normal 140 pounds down to 118.  A year of therapy-and-drugs later, I weighed in at 150.  By early 2010, I was fluctuating around 181-187 pounds.  See "Before" above.  Not a pretty sight.

The end of May, 2010, I started on a diabetic diet.  Simply put, you eat no more than 30gms of carbs plus one protein every two-to-three hours during the day.  Drink six to eight 8-oz. glasses of water throughout the day.  I limited myself, but didn't totally deny myself, of sugar-foods and snacks.  What little I did allow, I measured no more than 1/4 cup with a measuring cup.  And no more than once a day, if that.  Exercise during the summer was easy...I worked up to three mile walks in an hour from one-mile in an hour, bought a bicycle and rode that, and worked out at the gym three times a week alternating what machines I used.  I gradually kept increasing the exercise by either doing it faster, longer or with something heavier.  

I took up dancing...alone, in my apartment, as much as possible, combining exercise moves and stretches with dance.  I turned off the TV and stopped lazing around, and turned on music and started dancing around.  MOVE.  Move.  Just move. 

I wrote down everything I put in my mouth, so that I could look back and know what worked and what didn't during any week-period.  It was also my way of monitoring myself, because I know I'm my own worst enemy.  My belief is that the happier I became as a person, the easier it was for me to take care of just me, and that's made all the difference in the world.

Six months later I'm 23 pounds lighter (lost another pound in the last week or two, for those of you who last heard "22 pounds lost!" from me a couple weeks ago).  I am off the high blood pressure pills completely and maintain normal pressure.  I typically weigh myself about once every two to three weeks, choosing instead to concentrate not on weight-loss but on health.  I did measure my body at four points at the beginning knowing that if I did this right, my size would decrease as muscles developed and fat disappeared.  Those measurements were/are:

The dates are 6/1/10 - then 9/1/10 - and today 1/1/11

Right upper arm:  14 1/4" - 14" - 13"

Waist:  39 1/2" - 38 1/2" - 36 1/2"

Hips:  47" - 43 1/2" - 41 1/2"

Right Thigh:  26 1/2" - 24" - 23 3/4"

I'm truly happy with what I've accomplished so far, but I have a long way to go, thus the "since" instead of the "after".  I'm not at my AFTER point, yet.  This food-management will always be a continuing part of my elder-care now.  :)  However, it's not hard at all anymore, and I still manage to have my McDonald's Mocha Frappe at LEAST once a week! 

I have tried lots of diets before and never was able to lose weight, including doing exercise.  This diabetic diet plan seems to work for me, and I'm happy to share it with any of you.  If you want a copy of my diet plan (including sample weeks of what I ate), just send me an e-mail request.